I will not even start off by how long it's been because let's be real, I never blog lol.
So, things are... moving along. Might as well start off with the living situation, and although I feel it is progessively moving, it could go alittle quicker with alittle more effort; probably from my end. I do find myself more comfortable and a bit less overwhelmed with my new responsibilities. However, I still struggle with adopting the fact that the apartment is in fact "my home" as much as it is my roomies. It's really no ones fault for me feeling that way. it's just taking some time for me. But the new decor definetely makes the house feel more new and ours now more than before. It looks AWESOME! I feel bad not much was thanks to me, just because I've been working lately. Which leads me to another topic, my new JOB.
"Hi, welcome to Houlihans!"
LOL. I F I N A L L Y left Dr. Jays, and got a new job at Houlihans as a hostess. I must say, it feels fxcking great to not spend friggin 12 hr days in Dr. Jays. I literally lived there for the past yr and 7 months and I feel so FREE! I do miss a few people, and working in the city, but other than that I couldn't be happier I finally made the move. Houlihans is pretty different than what I'm used to I must say. It's pretty damn easy; greet customers and seat people. And sooner or later I'll learn to take to go orders but it's an overall simple and chill job compared to my previous cashier duties. However, I am the "new girl". And ugh, it sucks. I mean I'm so shy, and it sucks coming into a place where every one is super cool with eachother and I'm the odd man out. But then I just think back to when I started my other job, and realize it took me awhile to build relationships with people. It's just a matter of time you know. I'm still learning the ropes, and hopefully people there can warm up to me and vice versa. Overall, I like this new gig... now all I need is more hours. LOL. But that too can only happen with time. So, patience is going to play a big role for awhile in my life.
I regretfully admit that school has been my last priority these past few months. Words can't even describe how dissapointed I am in myself and my performance in school. it upsets me because I know what I am capable of when it comes to school. Aside from me being lazy, with all these new changes that have been taking place recently, school has just taken the back seat for me. I mean, the semester is over in 2 weeks. I dropped 2 courses, and the other 2 I still have, I pretty much did a shxt job in. Theres really no sense in me being very bitter about it because there's no going back now. But I did apply to transfer to William Patterson, which is where i was originally suppose to attend. If all goes well, I will be going there in September. I figure, new apartment, new job and then new school ... hopefully I can find a new found focus there. Bergen just isn't doing it for me anymore. Trying to see some good in the sucky situation you know.
I'm still searching ... searching for myself that is. A mist all these changes I'm going through, I sure do have a longgggggg way to go. Yeah I'm trying... but I just need to keep moving. it's been hard for me but I gotta keep motivated and actually get this DAMN ball rolling. Talk is cheapppp so once I start getting shxt poppin, you will be informed. lol.
kk that's all I've got for now.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
limbo
hiya.
So today ... I actually felt I NEEDED to blog. Iduno lately it's been hard to express myself verbally to anyone .. so why not just talk here?
I spoke with my Dad today. He always seems to make me feel better, and kind of inspires me. His positivity and support just really makes the world of a difference. I was explaining to him how since I've made the move, I don't feel much has really changed like I thought it would. Maybe my expectations were a bit too high? I'm not even sure what I was even expecting to happen once I moved out .. But other than not being home as much, and having more responsibilties $ .. that's really about it. It's work, some school, and a few hrs a day with my roomates. It's just routine. A different routine, but routine none the less .. and I really want more than that. I made this huge step most of all for me. My father was saying how I should make a list. A list of things I want to do or accomplish; things that have nothing to do with work school family or anything apart of my day to day . Things that I really wanna do.. for myself. Whether it be to go some place, read some book, whatever. It sounded like a pretty good idea. It can make me feel like I'm actually doing things rather than stressing the usual .. and just taking time for myself. So I will be working on that list .. and posting it soon enough to share.
Also, sometimes I feel perhaps that experience really didn't reach expectations of the 3 of us on my behalf. I haven't taken the time to enjoy or make the best of the pretty cool situation. Instead I've just stressed and worn myself out. I feel like I'm turning into an old lady or something, because I'm always tired so whenever I do have alittle time I'm not up for much. And that has to show .. in I guess my attitude. I'd really like to change that. I've pretty much gotten into the swing of things, and adjusted for the most part. So now it's time to quit stressing and just be happy and have fun with this because afterall this was supposed to be a postive move .. so I'm going to attempt to go about with a positive attitude .. and do more . I'd like to be a better roomate, and do more things for myself and stop stressing. My dad helped motivate me ... and I'm gonna try to keep that motivation UP because it's been lost for awhile.
Changing subject a bit, since I've taken a lighter load this semester at school, I've decided after this semester I am going to take May & June off ... and then taking a few courses in July and August. Just to keep things moving because I really don't want to slack or get behind because afterall school should be my #1 prIority no matter what. So I can take that time to have a short vaca .. and refocus myself !
IN ADDITION ... it is 20 days untill my 20th birthday. Kinda excited Kinda not. LOL Maybe because I have no plans. But I'd just like to go out with friends, and just have a good time. Where? not sure. I'd also like to spend alil time with my family too. AND get the weekend off from work. yikes lol maybe I'm asking for too much ...
So today ... I actually felt I NEEDED to blog. Iduno lately it's been hard to express myself verbally to anyone .. so why not just talk here?
I spoke with my Dad today. He always seems to make me feel better, and kind of inspires me. His positivity and support just really makes the world of a difference. I was explaining to him how since I've made the move, I don't feel much has really changed like I thought it would. Maybe my expectations were a bit too high? I'm not even sure what I was even expecting to happen once I moved out .. But other than not being home as much, and having more responsibilties $ .. that's really about it. It's work, some school, and a few hrs a day with my roomates. It's just routine. A different routine, but routine none the less .. and I really want more than that. I made this huge step most of all for me. My father was saying how I should make a list. A list of things I want to do or accomplish; things that have nothing to do with work school family or anything apart of my day to day . Things that I really wanna do.. for myself. Whether it be to go some place, read some book, whatever. It sounded like a pretty good idea. It can make me feel like I'm actually doing things rather than stressing the usual .. and just taking time for myself. So I will be working on that list .. and posting it soon enough to share.
Also, sometimes I feel perhaps that experience really didn't reach expectations of the 3 of us on my behalf. I haven't taken the time to enjoy or make the best of the pretty cool situation. Instead I've just stressed and worn myself out. I feel like I'm turning into an old lady or something, because I'm always tired so whenever I do have alittle time I'm not up for much. And that has to show .. in I guess my attitude. I'd really like to change that. I've pretty much gotten into the swing of things, and adjusted for the most part. So now it's time to quit stressing and just be happy and have fun with this because afterall this was supposed to be a postive move .. so I'm going to attempt to go about with a positive attitude .. and do more . I'd like to be a better roomate, and do more things for myself and stop stressing. My dad helped motivate me ... and I'm gonna try to keep that motivation UP because it's been lost for awhile.
Changing subject a bit, since I've taken a lighter load this semester at school, I've decided after this semester I am going to take May & June off ... and then taking a few courses in July and August. Just to keep things moving because I really don't want to slack or get behind because afterall school should be my #1 prIority no matter what. So I can take that time to have a short vaca .. and refocus myself !
IN ADDITION ... it is 20 days untill my 20th birthday. Kinda excited Kinda not. LOL Maybe because I have no plans. But I'd just like to go out with friends, and just have a good time. Where? not sure. I'd also like to spend alil time with my family too. AND get the weekend off from work. yikes lol maybe I'm asking for too much ...
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Growing Pains
yes .... it's been forever. I always seem to start my blogs off this way ... I just am either too busy or tired to ... but no excuses . let's just say A LOT has changed!
well, biggest change of all .... moving out . if you know me, and my family ... then you'd see what a huge step this is for me. and while it took me sometime to reach my decision, going through much deliberation as well as searching for guidance and acceptance from family and loved ones, I ultimately made THE step.
at first it was kinda weird, of course. like okay this isn't just a sleepover , it's permanent. I LIVE here; home . it's different but, in a good way . people's first thoughts are always that I'm gonna party and go crazy. and many had doubts of me being able to handle the responsibility. I won't lie, I'm really struggling. this is all so new to me, and I'm really trying. I know transitions such as this one takes a lot of time, it's not an overnight thing. But as much support & help friends and family offer I honestly feel very alone. It's not 100% bad, I mean I have to learn to be independent , and handle things on my own . it's only been a few weeks and I have had a lot of difficulty. but one thing is for sure, I'm not giving up on this. I have to give it a fair shot, and believe in myself enough to realize it is time to start a new chapter . I not only have to learn responsibility as I grow with age, but I also need my space to grow as a person . I must experience things & live my life . not stay still while time continues to pass me by. time waits for no one... and I really need to start doing things for me . it's a big time in my life for me right now . I'm just trying to stay motivated as best I can .. and embrace this change instead of feeling entirely overwhelmed and scared . there is good to this, I just haven't made the best of it yet. But it's just the beginning...
Sent from my i Phone
well, biggest change of all .... moving out . if you know me, and my family ... then you'd see what a huge step this is for me. and while it took me sometime to reach my decision, going through much deliberation as well as searching for guidance and acceptance from family and loved ones, I ultimately made THE step.
at first it was kinda weird, of course. like okay this isn't just a sleepover , it's permanent. I LIVE here; home . it's different but, in a good way . people's first thoughts are always that I'm gonna party and go crazy. and many had doubts of me being able to handle the responsibility. I won't lie, I'm really struggling. this is all so new to me, and I'm really trying. I know transitions such as this one takes a lot of time, it's not an overnight thing. But as much support & help friends and family offer I honestly feel very alone. It's not 100% bad, I mean I have to learn to be independent , and handle things on my own . it's only been a few weeks and I have had a lot of difficulty. but one thing is for sure, I'm not giving up on this. I have to give it a fair shot, and believe in myself enough to realize it is time to start a new chapter . I not only have to learn responsibility as I grow with age, but I also need my space to grow as a person . I must experience things & live my life . not stay still while time continues to pass me by. time waits for no one... and I really need to start doing things for me . it's a big time in my life for me right now . I'm just trying to stay motivated as best I can .. and embrace this change instead of feeling entirely overwhelmed and scared . there is good to this, I just haven't made the best of it yet. But it's just the beginning...
Sent from my i Phone
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