I may have lost my way ..

So, I'm feeling alittle stuck ..


This feeling always seems to come back, and that's probably because I never actually deal with it, or try to figure things out and work through them. It's just so hard to put my finger on what's really wrong with me. I have however come to the conclusion, with the help of none other than iris lol, that only I can fix this. It's kind of all in my hands ...


Perhaps Im trying to just figure out who I really am, and I know everyone goes through this, it's just alittle harder for me. I feel so guarded, and can't find any reasoning behind it. I feel I never fully give myself fully to others. The fact that i really barely know myself, doesn't allow me to let others in. Sure, I have my relationships with people and what not, but it's always to a certain extent. I feel I just give out pieces of me, rather than my all. Everyone I know kinda gets a different piece.

So, I was asked how I percieve myself, and I had some difficulty with that question, so let me try my best to answer that question now ...

I percieve myself as an overall good person. I care for others, and always try to put myself in others shoes.I am a good friend, good listener, and loyal. However, I can be overly sensitive at times. I truly takes things to the heart, I dont necessarily see that to always be a bad thing, but it is the truth. I often compare myself to others to much, which only conflicts with my perception of myself. Sometimes I try to act according to what others defintions of me are. (not a good thing to do, I know) I lack confidence in many different ways. I have a fear of rejection. I'm the type of girl that gets pushed aside because those who aren't afraid get ahead, pass right by me, and go for it, while I hesitate. I'm the type of person who put's another's feelings before mine. I am a believer in all forms of karma, however sometimes I think good karma will never reach me. I'm an easy read, wear my emotions right on my sleeve. I sometimes let the little things get to me, I can't help it. I enjoy alchohol way too much, probably because it sort of breaks down my wall temporarily. I always try to see the good in others. I have an active imagination, and often fantasize of the way I wish I could be .. I'm one of those people who should take their own advice, and sometimes when given advice, I take it in, but in the end still stick to what my intial thought was (lol) . I' have a positive outlook when it comes to others, but a negative one when it comes to me. Well, I like to use the word "realistic" rather than negative. I have more hope in others than I do myself. And basically, I feel it's time for a lot of change, but at the same time, I need to learn to feel comfortable in my own skin ..



That was a little hard, and all over the place but that is how I view myself. Heck, everyone else might have completely different views on me, but those are mine and I guess that's what should matter the most right?


Now .. where to go from here?